Gin, Umbrella Jousting, Gin, Three-Trousered Limbo, Gin, Moustache Wrestling, Gin, Quill Throwing, Gin and Bounders.

Did I mention the gin?

One of the summer highlights is The Chap magazine’s annual Olympiad, a series of very English exertions performed in a city garden square.

The competitive events, as always, will rely more on dashing panache, wit and skullduggery than athletic prowess. The contestants will be dressed in a manner that is totally unsuitable for sport – yet ideal for strutting about and looking wonderful.

New events will be created especially for 2018, and old events that refuse to become unpopular will continue to fill the fixtures. New world records they will be inviting our Olympians to set for the first time include Most Ties Knotted in One Minute, Most People Smoking One Pipe and Fastest Sprint Holding a Cup of Tea. 

The Olympiad takes place on Saturday 14th July, and tickets cost a spiffing £25 per gentleman, or lady, and can be booked here.

There is a dress code, of course — of elegant finery, military wear, formal wear, dandy wear. No sportswear except cricket whites and absolutely no denim.

Please be advised that during the Games themselves, anyone testing negative for alcohol content in the bloodstream will be disqualified, and sent to the emergency gin tent for urgent retonification.

Did I mention the gin?

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