A famous cafe sketch satirised the – at the time economic – aim of serving Spam as a stable part of many meals.

Just over 40 years later, and I present an alternative version – based on the culinary fashion for adding that damn Spanish sausage to everything.

Just think, we could all be moaning about Viagra chorizo in our emails, instead of complaining about it being added to everything in sandwiches, soups, salads, etc.

Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what’ve you got?
Waitress: Well, there’s egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and chorizo; egg bacon and chorizo; egg bacon sausage and chorizo; chorizo bacon sausage and chorizo; chorizo egg chorizo chorizo bacon and chorizo; chorizo sausage chorizo chorizo bacon chorizo tomato and chorizo;
Vikings: Chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo…
Waitress: …chorizo chorizo chorizo egg and chorizo; chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo baked beans chorizo chorizo chorizo…
Vikings: Chorizo! Lovely chorizo! Lovely chorizo!
Waitress: …or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and chorizo.
Wife: Have you got anything without chorizo?
Waitress: Well, there’s chorizo egg sausage and chorizo, that’s not got much chorizo in it.
Wife: I don’t want ANY chorizo!
Man: Why can’t she have egg bacon chorizo and sausage?
Wife: THAT’S got chorizo in it!
Man: Hasn’t got as much chorizo in it as chorizo egg sausage and chorizo, has it?
Vikings: Chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo… (Crescendo through next few lines…)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon chorizo and sausage without the chorizo then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean ‘Urgghh’? I don’t like chorizo!
Vikings: Lovely chorizo! Wonderful chorizo!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely chorizo! Wonderful chorizo!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can’t have egg bacon chorizo and sausage without the chorizo.
Wife: I don’t like chorizo!
Man: Sshh, dear, don’t cause a fuss. I’ll have your chorizo. I love it. I’m having chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo baked beans chorizo chorizo chorizo and chorizo!
Vikings: Chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo. Lovely chorizo! Wonderful chorizo!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her chorizo instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo… (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: (Singing elaborately…) Chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo. Lovely chorizo! Wonderful chorizo! Chorizo spa-a-a-a-a-am chorizo spa-a-a-a-a-am chorizo. Lovely chorizo! Lovely chorizo! Lovely chorizo! Lovely chorizo! Lovely chorizo! Chorizo chorizo chorizo chorizo!

Copy of original transcript from here.

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