Fancy a week (well, almost) of events about the mysteries that lurk unseen under the streets of London? Sadly, mainly limited to talking about what is down there rather than actually visiting the places, the talks will still be of interest to many Londoners who share my fascination for the hidden underworld.

Although most of the events invite you to tour the subterranean world through the vicarious medium of lectures – there are two tours that will include going below ground.

Organised by Illumini, the talks are free and you can just turn up on the day – although to guarantee a seat, you can send them an email booking tickets if you want. However, for a couple of the tours, booking is required.

To book tickets for any of the tours,walks or talks – send an email to illumini@hotmail.co.uk with your details and which talks/tours you are interested in.

Walks/Tours:

• There are two torchlight tours of Shoreditch Church Crypt on Friday 10th Sept (10:45am) and Tuesday 14th Sept (2pm) – free, booking essential (bring your own torch).
• A chance to climb through a very narrow entrance and down scaffolding to get inside the main shaft at Brunel’s tunnel in Rotherhithe. Tours leave 5pm & 6pm on Sat 11th and hourly noon to 4pm on Sun 12th Sept. – £5, no need to book, just pay on the day (I’ve been before, a couple of times)
• A walking tour, above ground, of what lies under Westminster on Wed 15th Sept at 2pm – £5, booking required.

Then there are the talks:

All take place at The Basement Shoreditch Town Hall, 380 Old Street, London, EC1V 9LT

Friday 10th Sept

• 11am The Occult World of Subterranean London
  • The talk will cover where to meet druids, witches and wizards; how to find good tarot readers; the hidden, occult places of London, and more.
• 2pm Crypts, Creatures and Caverns: the Folklore of Subterranean London
  • Dark,tales of London’s lost grottos and caverns, strange sewer creatures, urban legends and panics and ghostly goings-on in crypts and catacombs
• 5pm Subterranean City
  • Antony Clayton, author of Subterranean City will talk about various aspects of the inverted city beneath our streets

Saturday 11th Sept

• 11am Living London uncovers the mysteries that lie beneath us
  • Find out about secret tunnels and rooms that exist in our city.
• 2pm Eighth Wonder of the world
  • Robert Hulse, Director of The Brunel Museum, tells the story of the men who dug the Brunel Tunnel
• 4:30pm What lurks beneath – spirits and spectres of subterranean London
  • Rosie Murdie, ghost investigator and member of The Ghost Club will tell some of the ghostly tales associated with subterranean London.

Sunday 12th Sept

• 11am Post Office underground miniature Train
  • A talk on the post office miniature underground railway, which was used to carry post through central London
• 3:30pm Mysteries & ghosts of London Underground
  • A talk from a member of London Underground Staff, covering the baffling mysteries & ghosts on the Tube.

Monday 13th Sept

• 11am Silver Vaults
  • A virtual tour through the underground jewelers workshops of Hatton Garden
• 1:30pm Empire of Shadows
  • This talk explores Victorian London’s criminal underworld through the plays of the day.
• 4pm Into the Belly of the Beast: Exploring London’s Sewers
  • This talk will consider the allure of London’s sewers, past and present.

Over the past few weeks, my Sunday evenings have been delighted by the presence of Jeremy Paxman presenting a TV series on The Victorians, looking at the history of that era through the art it inspired.

Wonderful stuff and more of the same please.

Anyhow, last night also included a visit to the awesome Crossness pumping station in deepest South-East London.

The pumping station is one of those amazing Victorian buildings which have a very mundane municipal function – in this case, pumping sewerage up from an underground sewer and dumping into the river – but had lavish decoration applied to the structure.

Neglected for quite a while, the building is now being restored, and they have one out of four steam engines fully working again – and are working on the rest thanks to a Lottery grant.

To get a flavour of what the place looks like – you can use the BBC’s iPlayer and skip ahead to 21 minutes – and if that excites you, the details to visit the place yourself are below.

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The place is open to visitors either by pre-booking for most weekends – or on open days where you can just turn up and they will have the mighty Prince Consort pumping engine in full steam.

Sunday 26th April which will focus on the engineering aspects of the giant rotative beam engines that powered the pumps

Sunday 21st June when the theme will be aimed at the Young at Heart with displays of interest to those from age 8 to 80.

Sunday 23 rd August looking to the future with improved visitor facilities and more restored Engines.

This morning I, as is my wont, chose to take the lift down from the 5th floor to leave the building. As I got in and instinctively reached for the G button, my nose was assailed by a most vile stench. Alas, my instinct had resulted in button pressing and before I could escape the door was closing.

OK, I thought – its only a few moments of being wrapped in the gaseous embrace of this malodorous miasma until I can escape to what Londoners try to pretend is called fresh air.

But horrors, as the lift descended though the shaft to the Elysian lands which whispered of an escape, it slowed to allow a fellow traveler embark.

What would the visitor think as they also embarked on the downward journey and started to retch on the stench within? Will I, an innocent bystander in this hell be held accountable for the smell? Shall I forever more be branded the destroyer of worlds, the bringer of stenches?

To spend the rest of my life locked in a Victorian funfair as the Marvelous Sewer Man, brought all the way from hottest North Africa as an ephemeral entertainment for high society?

The doors opened, I stood as far back and tried to look as innocent as is possible when your stomach is twisting in agonies. The women took a step forward – and then beckoned that I should continue the journey alone.

I’m doomed.

Two more floors I descended and finally, escaped the hell within.

In our modern hectic lives, I rarely meet the other occupants of the block of flats I live in, but today I was visited upon by this remnant of a previous occupant of the lift – and for once and glad that their visits are quite rare.

*The first UK lifts, installed in The Midland Grand Hotel were called Accending Rooms.