With the news media largely dominated by a recent assassination in my old stomping grounds of Dubai, there has been much talk of the use of fake passports.

Politicians have been outraged at the insult to the British Passport and muttering dire warnings about the sanctity of the passport system itself being imperilled.  Last night, Channel 4 News had a dark shadowy figure explain how easy it is for spooks to fake or clone passports. This being top secret information, the speaker was hidden from view and only identified by his first name.

All very serious stuff.

Some years ago I needed to get a new passport as my old one had expired and at the time I was rather too poor to afford to renew it (let alone have a reason to use it) and that experience of stupid bureaucracy educated me as to how incredibly simple it is to get a fake passport in the UK.

It turned out that my Birth Certificate was a photocopy (from the days when photocopies were done on decent paper) and I needed an original. Also, where my Managing Director had signed the declaration of worthiness, it turned out that as I had filled in the form and he had signed it was a very naughty thing indeed. My remonstrations that Managing Directors are too busy to fill in forms, they just sign forms other people fill in fell on deaf ears.

It took three visits to get the application approved, largely because in my naivety, I thought that level of narrow minded pettiness over frankly, insignificant issues was something that had died out in the 1970s. A year later I needed a special visa from the US Embassy, and ran into the same level of mindless bureaucracy again – what is it with civil servants and petty paper pushing?

Bear in mind that some of the procedures may have changed in the subsequent few years – but when people tell you that the passport is the highest form of identity that exists, remember how easy it is to get one in someone else’s name.

How to Get a Fake Passport

1) Move into a new property or bedsit/squat.

2) Visit your local Family Records Centre and look up the name of a person who was born around the same time that you were. Order a copy of their Birth Certificate. The key point here – no proof of identity was required and you could pay cash over the counter. No “audit trail” exists and you can collect the certificate by hand the following day.

3) Now you have a name to clone, contact a suitable utilities provider (gas, electricity etc) and inform them you have just moved into your home and can you have an account opened up.

4) Twiddle fingers for a while and wait until the first utility bill arrives. You now have the two forms of ID required – a Birth Certificate and a Proof of Address.

5) Get a passport application form and ask a fellow conspirator to declare that they are doctor or solicitor and that they think you are a terrible nice chap. At most, the only check made against them is a phone call to check they did fill in the form.

6) A couple of weeks later – and a passport arrives in the post.

7) Move out of property and vanish along with your new fake identity.

Simples!

Just had the BBC London local lunchtime news on the telly, and in the clip about the BNP using images of Winston Churchill on their leaflets, which has understandably caused a bit of a stir, the news-clip voiceover then went on to explain who Winston Churchill is.

OK, accepting that sometimes it helps to put news items into context, but surely everyone knows who Winston Churchill is?

Or is the education system now so ruined that one of the most famous people in British history is a mystery to a large swathe of the UK population?

[[bangs head in despair]]

I can’t find the video clip on the BBC site – yet. I am out this evening (Moorgate train geek event), but if anyone can catch it on the 6:30 news and *cough* make a copy, would be appreciated.

Is it the silly season already?

I ask as a LibDem councillor has been suspended for going to a fancy dress party dressed up as a Nazi officer – causing cries of outrage from the generic “cries of outrage” lobby. Before you join in though – it is worth noting that this was an ‘Allo ‘Allo themed party, and it would have been a bit daft to have it full of French people and no Germans.

Or are we to censor history, and a big chunk of BBC programming in the 1980s and pretend that there wasn’t a comedy show which made fun of the Germans (and the Brits, and the French, and the Italians) ?

I think this is just a bit of harmless fun which the media has tried to spin into a scandal.

That said, the councillor did put the photos up on Facebook, and that site is increasingly becoming nothing more than a honeypot for lazy journalists looking for a cheap scandal to fill the pages with.

On a lighter note, it’s such a pity he didn’t dress up as the Italian officer, Captain Bertorelli though. He could have read the papers this morning, and cried out, “What a mistake-a to make-a!”

From House of Lords Hansard:

“Baroness Warsi: To ask Her Majesty’s Government which religions and faiths are officially recognised by the Equality and Human Rights Commission.

The Lord President of the Council (Baroness Royall of Blaisdon): The Equality and Human Rights Commission recognises all religions and faiths”.

Via TheCroydonian

All hail the noodly appendage!

If you are not familiar with Pastafarainism – try the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster for enlightenment.

As one of my hobbies is reading the Early Day Motions in the House of Commons (yes, I am that sad), some of which are serious and some can be quite amusing – I came across this one which was actually quite interesting.

I used to do a little bit of lobbying and still fire off letters to unsuspecting victims to express my views on an issue.

The key thing I was taught when doing letter writing though – is never ever send a “copy/paste” letter to your MP. The MP’s office will get hundreds, if not thousands of identical letters from constituents and will promptly realise that the “concerned voter” is actually an organised campaign by a large organisation.

If I do write a letter, based on an organised campaign I will always state that fact – but then explain why I am personally concerned about the issue and only highlight the research from the organiser which is relevent to my comments.

To his credit, my local MP is quite receptive to these sorts of letters.

I was therefore a bit troubled to read this Early Day Motion this morning:

That this House notes that a campaign by Greenpeace sent around 7,000 largely identical emails to hon. Members who had signed an Early Day Motion about Heathrow; observes that this caused some hon. Members’ mailboxes to become unavailable to constituents who wished to discuss this or other issues or personal problems; further notes that a request to discontinue was not accepted unless hon. Members were willing to commit to vote as the organisation wished; and believes that denial of email service by mass spam is an inappropriate and unpersuasive tactic.

I totally agree with the MP (the audience faints in shock) and think this sort of blunderbluss spamming of MP’s email and postbags is frankly just a waste of time. The MPs are going to, understandably treat 30 identical letters as just one complaint – as it is so obviously from just the one originating source.

Having said that I support the point that a DoS style spamming of their email addresses is a bad idea – I am slightly amused by the campaign to ‘cc every email on a specific date to our illustrious Home Secretary to protest against the government plans to keep a record of every single email transaction I engage in.

Incidentally, having a secure link to my email server – which happens to be in the USA – tends to render that law impotent.