You are approaching a wide set of doors at the entrance to a shopping centre – how do you get to the other side?

Mr Hands in Pockets – who watches furtively for the door that is being held open by someone else then darts through like a St Trinians Spiv.

Mr Multitasking – holding a coffee in one hand, bag under arm and phone glued to ear who is now too handicapped to open the door and too busy chatting on the phone to thank the person who held the door open for him.

Mr Swinger – the person who slams into the door and practically knocks it off its hinges as he charges through.

Mr Able but Lazy – insists on using the automatic door that was installed for the disabled customers.

Mr Considerate – who holds the door open for the person behind him, and the person behind them, and the next, and the next etc.

Mr Desperate – who is rolling a cigarette as he approaches the exit so that he can light up the very nanosecond he has entered formerly fresh air.

Mr Oblivious – marches through the door and lets it slam into the face of the person walking just behind him.

Mr Lost – who gets to the doors then stands there blocking them for everyone else while trying to work out where they are.

Mr Slider – who sees a door closing and rushes over to slide sideways through the ever shrinking gap.

Mr Swine Flu – who is too scared to use his hands to open the door lest he catches a nasty bug and bumps the door open with his backside.

What sort of door user are you?

(N.B., Mr applies to Miss, Mrs, and Ms equally)

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  1. Mr. Uses The Automatic Doors

  2. Jesus Christ! People have £60 to spend on an umbrella? That’s even more outrageous than the £15 tea towel.

  3. Plummy Mummy

    I’m Mrs Do-I-Look-Like-A-Bloody-Doorman as I wait for inconsiderate people who don’t say thankyou to go through doors they could easily open for themselves but that I’ve somehow ended up opening. This quickly turns me into Mrs Slams-It-In-Your-Behind :D

  4. Hobnobs

    Mr “holds the door open for you, but lets it go as soon as you touch it so you can then take over the door holding duties for the person behind you”

    This is a defense tactic to stop be being pigeonholed as Mr “you’re only hold the door open for me because you’re a male chauvanist pig who’s only holding the door open for me because you think a woman can’t do it for herself.”

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